


these old smiles between us

by diet_affection



Series: reunion [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is safe yall, BOM Keith, Blind Date, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Garrison teacher Lance, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Not post s8 tho, Older Characters, Older Keith, Older Lance, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Reunions, Romantic Tension, lots of talking, more like post s7 but like way later, not very angsty just mentions of loneliness and breakups and shit, they're in their 30s
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-06 17:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17349647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diet_affection/pseuds/diet_affection
Summary: Keith has always been a fast lover, never one to settle. Lance has always fallen too hard, and spent too long moving on. They're both approaching a point in their lives where change is needed, less they should fall apart.Luckily, fate is kind, and Pidge knows how to hack a certain blind dating app.





	these old smiles between us

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this old post](https://keith-in-shibari.tumblr.com/post/180111172678/keith-and-lance-going-their-separate-ways-after) from my (nsfw!) tumblr. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thanks to @my1aliasnsfw for betaing

_All of the love we left behind_

_Watching the flashbacks intertwine_

_Memories I will never find_  
  
_So I'll love whatever you become_

 _And forget the reckless things we've done_  
  
_I think our lives have just begun_  
  
_I think our lives have just begun_

 

_-Falling Away With You, Muse_

 

He was thirty minutes early, but when he told his name to the receptionist at the restaurant he was informed that his date was already here; waiting at the innermost table by the window. Keith swore under his breath. A decade of dating, or attempting to do so, had calmed his social nerves significantly, but he still relied on those minutes of calm by himself before a date arrived. He had been one-upped – who arrived _more_ than half an hour early?

As he found his way between the homely booths and wooden tables, he realized with a start of panic that he didn’t remember the guy’s name. In fact, he was pretty sure he hadn’t checked it at all. He’d been using this blind dating app for a while now, enjoying the way it removed looks from the equation. Though it too many times had ended with Shiro and him making up these ridiculous theories about the dude based on only his name, making the actual date rather awkward when Keith snorted out a laugh at how utterly wrong – or utterly right – they had been. This time he’d had to do without that whole ritual – for the best, probably – as they were both too busy with pre-mission preparations to meet up beforehand. But ugh, not knowing what name to greet him with was not a great start. He’d have to hope the guy would present himself before Keith could make a fool out of himself.

He turned the corner and his eyes searched automatically for a lone figure. There, illuminated by the bright glow of the widows – that had to be him. The light filled his face, but what he could see was a pleasant surprise. He registered effortlessly tousled hair, a relaxed, open posture and a jawline he wouldn’t mind possibly putting his mouth to. _Bad Keith_ , he thought, _don’t go there. You’re looking for ‘the one’ this time, remember?_ Maybe this time he’d finally found him.

The grin that was flashed against him when the mystery guy’s head turned made his heart skip a bit for several reasons. And suddenly it didn’t matter that he hadn’t checked the guy’s name.

Lance.

It was _Lance_.

His head was spinning with the coincidence. The sheer… _impossibility_ of the situation. He couldn’t speak, but Lance had never been one to let the silence stretch on.

“Oh my god… _Keith_?”, he said, staring up at him

His mouth felt so dry. It was with great difficulty he peeled his tongue off the roof of his mouth and spoke.

“Lance. It’s you.”

It came out like a quiet breath, far too soft for the loud rush of emotion coursing through him at the sight of his old friend.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe this –“, Lance was laughing and unsteadily getting up, and Keith was too in shock to do anything but stand there as he was enveloped in an affectionate hug. He gasped into the other’s shoulder as if the air had been punched out of him. The soft-hard feeling of being pressed into that chest, the warmth he always radiated, the smell of him – it was lighting up old pathways in his nervous system, electricity flaring along them and frizzing away the dust that had gathered there.

_It’s Lance, it’s him, it’s fucking Lance, **Lance** , oh god I’ve missed him, it’s really **him** \- !_

A puff of air against his ear made him lift his head. He shook his head slightly, realizing he’d missed the words the other’s mouth was forming.

“Huh?”, he said hoarsely.

Lance’s lips curled up into a smile, a disbelieving chuckle escaping him.

“Why don’t we sit down? We have… a lot to talk about, huh?”

He nodded dumbly, following his directions with stiff movements. Lance bumped his knee into the table leg as he scooted his chair forward, cursing and rubbing it with a small laugh. Keith took the moment to let the sight of him sink in.

He looked… good. There was no way around it. The years had settled nicely on his shoulders, his skin no longer flawless but still glowing and fresh, his hair grown longer and curlier – long enough to grab onto, his brain unhelpfully supplied – and a slight scruff along his, as previously mentioned, delicious jawline. Keith swallowed, forcing those bubbling feelings _down._ Instead he gathered his adultness and started the conversation.

“This is so, uh, _crazy_. What are you even doing here, Lance?”

Lance smiled crookedly.

“Looking for love?”, he half-joked, eyes soft but tired.

Keith frowned, still not caught up.

“But this is – I thought you were –“

_I thought you were living the white picket fence life with Allura, here on Earth, all these years -_

“What? Straight? Yeeeah, so did I.”

The change of direction made a corner of Keith’s lip tug up, involuntarily.

“Finally saw the light, huh?”, he chuckled, and Lance echoed him.

“I guess. It’s, ah, rather recent. I’ve had a lot of realizations about myself lately. Something about looking for what I need and not what I want; yaknow. Stuff like that.”

It was charming to see how even a decade of added life experience hadn’t changed the way he talked. Keith found himself unable to stop smiling, and quickly hid behind his hand.

“And so I’ve been doing more things like these – exploring more, I guess? Not being bound by the whole _meetcute-in-a-flower-shop_ kinda ideal that I always wanted.”

He shook his head.

“But I can’t believe it’s _you_. I mean, Keith Kogane? On a _blind date_ by his own free will? I remember you as the kind of guy who had to be dragged out of his room to join his friends on movie night.”

“I wasn’t _that bad_ ,” Keith grumbled.

“Maybe not. But you were a hard shell to crack, my dude. Remember that time we all did a bonding night with face masks and we had to _bribe_ you with cookies to get you to join?”

“Those masks were made out of food goo and who knows what else –“

“We analyzed it! It was safe!”

“Yeah, forgive me for not trusting you and Hunk’s chemistry skills,” Keith huffed.

“I thought you were such a risk taker? I think you were just afraid of looking stupid.”

 _Yeah, in front of you,_ Keith sighed internally.

“I seem to remember you backing out of my challenge in the lava pits,” he mused out loud instead.

“That was different. I would’ve died! Not everyone can have your pain tolerance. Didn’t have anything to do with bravery. Don’t you remember my performance in the Voltron show? You don’t do the splits in front of an intergalactic audience if you care about looking stupid.”

“Yeah, right.”

Keith rolled his eyes and stayed quiet about how he had _obviously not looked stupid doing that, what are you even TALKING about, you looked so good I dropped my tablet and got yelled at by Kolivan._

“Say what you want, you would’ve never gotten your ass up on that stage,” Lance said.  “So yeah, I’m impressed that you’re _here_.” He lifted an eyebrow. “Did Shiro put you up to this?”

Somehow, that changed the mood. Shiro _had_ put him up to joining a dating site in the first place, but that was… years ago, now. He’d kept going, kept pushing on and burning through the dates, a bitter taste never quite leaving the back of his mouth. It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. He wasn’t meant for Earth, and the fleeting relationships back here always ended when people found that out. They wanted him to soften for them, to become pliant and fit easily into the boyfriend-shaped part of their lives. He was too jagged, too sharp-edged. He spoke of war crimes and rights for alien species, and his partners would smile awkwardly and change the topic. He spoke of feeling worthless and scared, and they would do the same. But still, he knew if he ever gave up and closed himself off, he’d never open up again.

“Nah. I just, uh…” he shrugged, “I have to keep looking, you know?”

Lance cleared his throat. When he spoke again, his voice had softened.

“You done a lot of looking?”

“Yes.”

That was an easy answer, at least. He had to chuckle when he though back to the mission he’d returned from recently, though that heavy feeling still sat in his chest. But it was better to ignore it. He didn’t want to say too much, _be_ too much to handle.

“God, I slept around so much on that ship.”

Lance barked a surprised laugh, and Keith was pleased to hear his voice still cracked when he did that. He wanted to make him laugh like that over and over.

“I was thinking of looking for _love_ , but you do you.”

Something in the way Lance looked at him, almost with a tired admiring, _I wish I could be with people that easily,_ suddenly gave him a burning need to clarify. Make it clear that he hadn’t been carefree and sleeping around for the joy of it – if he _had_ it would’ve been fine, but he hadn’t. That was just untrue.

“No, I… It wasn’t like that.”

Ahh, _dammit_. He was supposed to be maneuvering the conversation _away_ from this topic, and now he’d made it unavoidable. The silence and the expectancy in the arch of Lance’s brow made that very clear.

“It wasn’t. It was more like…” He drew a deep breath. “I was rushing. To find some sort of rooting, a connection. I went through all these relationships, hookups, whatever, but they never felt like… like they were really anything. They were just a fuck, a date, a series of _this is how it’s supposed to be_ events, unfolding like a movie where I never got engaged in the story.”

He picked at a scar on his ring finger.

“I just wanted to fall in love,” he mumbled. “I never did. Dunno why. I think I’m capable of it. I _know_ I’m… Ugh. Forget it. Forget this.”

He could feel the heat in his face and he wanted to hide in his hands, but he couldn’t. That would look stupid.

“I don’t think I’ve heard you talk about love before.”

Of all the responses he’d expected, it wasn’t that. He had to snort a laugh.

“We’re in our thirties, Lance. I’m not a teenager anymore.”

Lance grimaced, seeming a bit embarrassed by his statement. Great, Keith thought, I don’t wanna be the only fool around here.

“I know. I just. I guess I just haven’t seen you… that way.”

That sentence sounded too close to how he’d imagined Lance rejecting him a thousand times over, every single night those years in space; like a horror movie stuck on repeat.

_I don’t see you like that. I’m not attracted to someone like you. I could never fall for someone like you._

_I could never love you._

“Like what?”

The words felt hard and sharp on his tongue, betraying more emotion that he’d intended. Lance was studying him carefully, but his voice was neutral when he spoke.

“Like… I’ve seen you as this untouchable hero. Someone to look up to, more than relate to. You’re kind of a legend at the Garrison now, you know that? Amongst the kids, yeah, but also the teachers. And that’s not just after – after Voltron. Back then too, you were so, ah. Perfect? Yeah, a few flaws here and there; your impulsiveness and your stubbornness, your tendency to sulk when you don’t get what you want – don’t say anything, you _know_ you do it – but still. I haven’t seen you as someone who could end up… _not_ happy, I guess?”

Keith was struggling not to let emotion flit freely across his face. He was good at that after years of practice. But Lance’s eyes on him felt like they could see everything, which was paradoxical, considering he’d just admitted to not seeing _at all._ Which Keith had he been looking at all these years? Taking a slow breath, he forced the bitterness down and settled for a vague answer.

“Even heroes get lonely, Lance. You should know all about that.”

“Oh _please_. I’m a nobody.”

The scorn in his voice was jarring in contrast to the ease of which he’d talked these last minutes. That voice, which never judged or criticized, was suddenly full of disappointment. At himself, Keith realized. The question must have been obvious in his eyes, for he scoffed.

“I’m just… just a teacher.”

“You teach?”

“Yeah. At the Garrison.”

When Keith didn’t fill the silence, he kept going.

“Science and piloting, mostly. The cargo pilots. We do a lot of fun stuff. I like to take them out on field trips and shit, when the headmaster allows it. Show them that sitting in a sim isn’t the only fun thing around here.”

Keith had to smile.

“What, like camping? Looking at stars?”

“Yeah. Me and the cargo kids – “, He suddenly stopped, flushing. “Uh, the, the _class_ – we talk a lot about the universe? Like, how cool it is that all these places exist. How important it is to take care of them. How war isn’t _cool_ , like too many of them think.”

“But why the-“, Keith had to smile, “The cargo kids? You’re easily one of their best pilots. You could’ve taught any class you wanted.”

“Not true,” Lance muttered, though with little resistance. And still sort of blushing. Keith nudged his foot under the table, urging him on gently, and Lance finally sighed.

“Aah. I mean. I remember how it was, okay? Being seen as not good enough. And yeah – some of them don’t have the reflexes or the agility to pull off fighter class moves. But that’s okay! They all have unique skillsets, and I’m – they’re not _seeing_ it, some of them think they’re worthless and want to quit, and I – I just gotta be there for them, you know? Let them know it’s okay to aim high, and it’s okay to be scared of failing, and most importantly that it’s okay _to fail._ And it just means you might be aiming for the wrong thing for you.”

He seemed almost out of breath by the time he finished. Somewhere during his speech he’d grabbed Keith’s hand where it laid on the table. He could feel a slight tremble in the hand tightened over his.

_Shit. Shit, shit, shit._

He had to force his voice under control before speaking, in a desperate attempt to keep the fondness out of his voice, because if that burning enthusiasm about teaching kids hadn’t had him almost tearing up-

“Lance, you obviously care a lot about your students. Like, you _really_ care. I’m pretty sure that can be called being a hero, for a lot of people.”

“Well, I…” Lance exhaled slowly, seeming defeated. “I mean, not really but… Thanks, Keith.”

They fell into silence for a bit, but it felt easy to breathe in. Keith took a sip from his glass of water, realizing they’d forgotten to order. Somehow it didn’t seem important. Because Lance’s hand was still on top of his.

The sound of Lance scratching his chin absentmindedly had Keith snorting; so jarringly loud in the quiet hum of the restaurant.

“You given up the razor, or what?”

God, he loved the way Lance’s eyes crinkled when he grinned.

“ _You_ fully accepted the mullet, you have no right to complain,” he chuckled, before his eyes fell on the hand still in his hold. His voice fell into an appreciative hum. “You outgrew the gloves, at least.”

 _You wish._ No, they were just dirty after he’d spilled wine on them while angry-crying two days prior.

“I just don’t wear them at dates.”

“Oh, really? Should’ve expected that.”

Lance turned his hand palm up. Now that he’d commented on his lack of gloves, the contact between them felt weird, too warm and too smooth-rough, the lack of a leather layer of protection making him feel naked. Kinda vulnerable.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this,” Lance mumbled, echoing his thoughts.

And why. Why had Keith felt the need to remind them both that this was, technically, a _date_. That they’d both showed up with aftershave and nice clothes, in case they met the one. Condoms in case they didn’t, but still needed something to soothe the loneliness. Or well, at least _Keith_ had.

“These marks…”

He looked up to see Lance frowning, his thumb ghosting over a scar slashing across Keith’s palm. And then another, an ugly cut across the flesh of his thumb. Keith felt very stripped down as the touches started travelling up his arm, tracing the numerous small and large scars he’d collected over the years. When the hand reached the fold of his shirt by his elbow, he stopped it. Lance’s eyes snapped up and he saw instant worry there, worry that he’d overstepped something. Keith only shook his head slightly and reached out for Lance’s arm instead, pulling up his sleeve with permission and studying it in the same manner.

There were a few scars, some he recognized from their years in space, but most he didn’t. Though the marks that took up the most space across his underarm, were the _tattoos_. They were everywhere; starting by his wrist and twisting in patterns as far as he could see. Keith’s eyes flickered automatically to the Lance’s neck, looking for traces of matching patterns, peeking out from his collared shirt. None were to be found, but he couldn’t know for sure – they might be curling all the way over his chest and – no. He stopped that thought process before it got out of hand.

The pattern was made up of names and dates he didn’t recognize, sketches of places he’d never been, and references to things he didn’t know of. Keith traced the outline of a glowing sun, suddenly feeling lost. Dizzy. A kind of panic fuzzing in the back of his mind, making it hard to breathe.

_I should’ve been there I should’ve been there I shouldn’t have left I should’ve stayed with him–_

“We’ve been living pretty different lives, huh?” he managed to whisper. Lance was still loosely grasping his underarm, the two marked-up limbs lying side by side on the table top.

“I should’ve gone with you.”

Lance’s voice was rough, and his words took Keith utterly by surprise.

“You belong on Earth, Lance.”

His grasp tightened around Keith’s wrist.

“And where do _you_ belong?”

“Dunno. I- I dunno. Let’s just…”

He ducked his head and pulled out of the other’s hold, needing to change the topic. No point in walking down these old trails in his mind. They always ended someplace dark. Luckily, Lance was light personified, all easy smiles and calming voice, shifting over in simpler talk as soon as he saw the flinch in Keith’s eyes.

Too good for me, Keith thought.

Soon they were drinking coffee and talking about each other’s lives. Not the difficult parts; the loneliness or the hard times, but the general information, interspersed with exhilarating tales and humorous stories. Those were mostly Lance’s – he had a way with words that Keith had never mastered. The most mundane happenings with his students became adventures that he painted with vibrant expressions and gestures, and Keith felt like losing himself in them. He told of planning and homework, of late evenings and little sleep, of dabbling in new flight strategies and of struggling against higher powers to change the separation of young pilots by level. He mentioned visits home to Cuba and different apartments he’d rented, a fiancée he’d almost had, and the few video messages he’d received from his old love – Allura was across the galaxies, busy and exhausted, but happy.

Keith’s own stories were told plainer, but their contents were more intense by comparison. Month-long missions, infiltrations, and buildings exploding around him. Injuries and comradery, war-torn planets and peace ceremonies. Lance filled in the gaps in his retellings with questions and reactions, changing between resting his cheek in his hand during the slower parts, and leaning forward over the table when the action heightened. Keith could count how many times a hand landed on top of his own, to give a reassuring pat or a shocked squeeze. He did count them. Five times.

Eventually there was nothing left to say. And then again, so much more – but that required hours more, and a deeper dive into subjects better left untouched. Keith knew their conversation was coming to an end while the night swallowed the streets outside and pressed up against the window, but his heart still sank when Lance glanced at his watch, eyes widening a bit.

“Should probably head home, huh,” he sighed. Keith nodded, because what else could he do? They paid their bills and put on their jackets in silence, something unnameable and heavy hanging in the air and making their movements slow.

Well. That was it, then. A breath of clear, clean air; barely a mouthful but bubbling in his blood with the freshness of old love rekindled. And now back to his own stifling space, to slowly drown himself in missions and meetings. Keith’s eyes burned. He felt so tired. So stupid.

“You wanna, uh… come back to my place for a bit? Watch a movie or something? Just talk?”

The invitation was so unexpected that it didn’t register at first. He let the cold of outside wash over them and their twin shudders give him a moment to process. Lance… wanted more, too?

“Jeez, sounds like I’m inviting you to Netflix and chill or something,” Lance laughed, pulling his jacket tighter.

“I don’t mind,” Keith said, like an idiot. He got a grin in response. Either Lance thought he didn’t get the reference, or he thought he was answering his first question.

Or he didn’t mind “chilling” either, his mind supplied. _Stupid_. He was acting like a teen again.

“Great!”

And that was it. Easy, as most things were with Lance.

Well, _that_ was a lie. Being in love with him had certainly not been an easy feat – though he wouldn’t change it for anything. Of course, he wouldn’t.

The chilly wind was blowing his too-long mullet everywhere, and he absentmindedly grabbed a hair tie from his pocket and pulled the unruly mane into a high ponytail.

Lance was looking at him strangely.

“What?”

“You missed a lock,” he said softly, _fondly_ , reaching out to tuck some strands of hair behind his ear. In the cold air, the brush of his hand against his cheek felt scorching.  Keith swallowed heavily, blaming the heat in his face on the burn of late autumn air. He ducked his head as he followed Lance down the dimly lit street, heart thumping with silly hope.

Lance was humming a melody as he went, his hands tucked in the pockets of his jacket and leaving a tempting gap by his elbow, perfect for slipping his own arm through. Keith looked up at the moon instead.

“Is it close?”

“Yeah! Almost there. It’s right by the square, if you know the area. You come here often?”

“Really? Another pick-up line?”

They laughed and their shoulders bumped together.

“Nah, not often. I usually stay in the area around the base, in case… You know.”

Lance let out a long breath, almost foggy in the cold.

“Yeah… Why’d you pick a base so far away? You could’ve gone with the first Garrison base. Where all the memories are.”

 _Where **I** am_, hung in the air unspoken. Keith felt old guilt rise. He’d left for one of the newly built Garrison bases – now spread all over the Earth – for the same reason he’d stayed out of contact with everyone but Shiro.

“I…”, he started. The air was suddenly stinging his lungs.

“You know what. Forget it.”

Lance was smiling gently, almost apologetically.

“I didn’t mean to bring up stuff. I was just, ah. Wondering, yaknow? Thought maybe you didn’t wanna see me or something.”

It was said with a joking tone, but the blow stung – he knew it was heartfelt.

“That wasn’t it. I wanted to see you,” he rushed out. “I _want_ to see you. I wanna –“ He breathed deeply. “Just… I’ve missed you.”

“I’m honored,” Lance smiled. “And, I’ve missed you too, mullet.”

And somehow, that was that.

 

Lance’s apartment was smaller than he’d expected, but just as messy as he’d thought. Well, maybe messy was the wrong word – it was packed with photographs hung unsymmetrically in frames on the walls, textbooks and piles of homework, and tons of schematic maps filled with scribbles and notes. It was disordered, but in a homely, charming way. He should’ve expected it, honestly.

He shrugged off his jacket and shivered a bit, still chilled from the air outside.

“You cold?”

Before he had time to brush it aside, Lance had stepped up to him, grinned, and then easily, _effortlessly_ , pulled him into a hug. How could he just _do_ that, and not combust? Sighing out his frustration into the warmth of his shoulder, he let the other’s body heat slowly defrost him. God, he loved being _right here_ – in this embrace, which he’d felt safe in ever since he felt it that first time during a starry night in space, when they’d both felt cold and lonely. So long ago now, but not much had changed.

“I’ve missed this,” he whispered.

“Earth? Yeah, I can imagine.”

And for once his mouth spilled the words his mind would usually keep sheltered and unseen, unheard.

“ _You_. I’ve missed being close to you.“

For the longest time, Lance said nothing. Only held him, rocking slightly back and forth. Keith didn’t dare lift his head to see his expression. Eventually they came apart, and Lance held his shoulders for a second longer, looking at him with unreadable eyes.

“Close, huh,” he breathed.

He was let go, and Lance walked away.

“Come on in,” he said, “I’ll make us tea.“

With a breath of relief Keith followed, stepping over kids’ toys and taking a second to remember Lance’s nieces and nephews, the thought of which calmed the sudden stutter in his heart. He watched as Lance prepared the tea in silence, leaning against the counter and wondering what direction the evening would take from here on. At least ten different strands of conversation were hovering in the air, just out of reach. He cleared his throat, but no words came. Not while Lance lifted off the boiling water and poured it into two mismatched mugs. Not while he silently made him pick between Christmas tea and spicy ginger. Not when the mug was put into his hands carefully, and Lance leant against the opposite counter with a sigh. Only then did the words come, and as usual they didn’t come from him.

 

“What happened to us?”, Lance asked. There was no distinct sadness in his voice, only confusion. Maybe exhaustion. “Why didn’t we stay in touch?”

So this was where they were headed, after all. He knew, though. That it needed to be talked about, if they ever wanted to move past it. It still hurt, like the words were stuck in his throat and had to be forced out. And as always, it was all or nothing with him. Pretty lies or ugly truth.

“You ran off with Allura and…”

He paused, his voice trailing off. Lance had put his mug down, hard.

“Allura? What does she have to do with it? With anything?”

He sounded choked up, all of a sudden.

“You mentioned her back then, too. Something about… not wanting to be in the way of our bliss – which was bullshit. It still is. _Unless_ -“

Silence. His pulse was high in his throat, emotions building up, but he couldn’t speak. Lance shook his head, tone softening, pleading him.

“You gotta give me something here, Keith…“

I know, he thought frantically. I know, I know, I’m _trying._

He tried to breathe through it. When he spoke, his words came out bitter.

“What’s the point? It’s a long time ago.”

“So you mean it’s too late for us?”

His heart clenched painfully at that.

“What do you mean _us_?”, he spat, putting down his own mug.

I’m not angry, he screamed inside his mind, I’m hurt, and lonely, and in love. He wondered if Lance was thinking anything similar while he marched across the kitchen to stab a finger into his chest.

“Don’t you dare give me that. Don’t you _dare_ tell me there wasn’t anything there!”

“I didn’t even know you were into guys!”

Lance sneered, cheeks red with frustration.

“Well, you have a shit gaydar, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, fuck off. You mean you _knew?_ Back then?”

“Not... really, no.”

He sighed, some of the anger seeping out of his voice.

“I was head over heels for Allura, back then. But also… I wasn’t. Not really, you know? I thought I loved her – and I did, I do, but not in that way. I admired her. She was everything I’d grown up wanting. But she was never what I needed.”

“And what _did_ you need?”, Keith huffed.

“ _You_ , you absolute idiot! I needed someone who could see my worth, who could make _me_ see it – no one else ever did that, did you know that? I needed someone hotheaded, impulsive and full of emotion, someone to balance me out and make me better, to listen when needed and to shut me up when needed. I’m – it started back then, Keith, the roots of it. But it wasn’t until much, much later that I even started to understand.”

Lance was right in front of him now, closing in on him. There was nowhere else to look but his eyes.

“I’m in love with you. I would say I love you, but I won’t, not until you’re ready. But I am so, so in love with you, and that’s not something I wanna keep down any longer.”

He let out a slow breath, something like relief relaxing his shoulders.

“That’s how I feel. Now…What do _you_ feel, Keith? You gotta tell me how you _feel_.”

“Wh-“

“About me. About _us_. Come on, we’re adults now. We can talk about our feelings.”

And what was the point of hiding any longer? After a speech that had left his blood rushing, his legs weak underneath him. He almost couldn’t believe those words, but… he had to answer.

“I feel like it’s always been you,” he whispered.

Lance framed him with his arms against the counter, pressing on. Soon he would be at the very bottom of his soul.       

“Then what’s the problem?”

Keith’s voice trembled. He was slipping, slipping down…

“I dunno what I’m gonna do, I don’t know where to go-”

“What are you talking about,” Lance breathed, “I’m _right here.”_

He leant forward and slowly, hesitantly, caught Keith’s upper lip in between his own. Keith didn’t dare move, he couldn’t _breathe._ Those lips dragged down to press a light kiss to the corner of his mouth, then the other.

And then, as if he’d spent all his restraint and Keith’s closed eyes and parted lips were enough of a permission, Lance cupped his face and gave him a full, all-encompassing kiss, deep enough to have Keith’s stomach swooping but still soft enough to make his eyes burn beneath their eyelids.

There was a hand in his hair, tugging him even closer, while the other was making its way down his body to grasp at his waist, like he couldn’t bear to break the contact. Keith felt fuzzy, made up of sparkles and fizzy light, soaring on the rush of those lips on his. Lance’s lips. Meeting his own; _kissing_ his mouth with the sort of tender enthusiasm that spoke of years of longing. Keith believed, then. Trusted. Kissed back with the same burning intensity, feeling on the verge of tears and the happiest he’d ever been at the same time. His fingers clenched in the back of Lance’s shirt, twisting into the fabric with the determined intention of never letting go. He surged forward, and the kisses had to be almost painful at this point, bruising against the others already red mouth. But he didn’t mind. He wanted this to leave a mark. Irremovable, unerasable.

They eventually paused to breathe heavily into each other’s space, foreheads resting against each other.

This, Keith thought deliriously, this is where I wanna stay.

He felt instantly cold when Lance backed off, slowly taking a step backwards.

“Your turn,” he whispered, “Tell me to stay.”

There was no hesitation this time.

“Stay with me, dammit.”

“You want me,” Lance said.

“I want you.”

“Okay.”

He smiled, and the warmth was back. It was here to stay.

“That’s all I need to know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a follow-up chapter drafted, but I'm not sure when (if) I'm gonna get around to it. It's gonna be domestic fluff/smut (their first time together). Let me know if that'd be interesting, or otherwise what you thought of this story. I haven't written anything like this in a while, so I've been unsure about posting it (this was written back in december actually). 
> 
> aaanyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> //Edit: follow-up has been posted! Even if you don't wanna read the smut, you should read the before and after if you want their whole story :)


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